The Blood

The following is a story to meet a challenge to write a short story of 666 words or less with a starting line picked for me.  (I am not including the preamble word count)  No further ado.




The blood wanted to come off.  I could tell by the way the droplets sprayed from the knife as it arced up from the stab. The knife clung to the blood though, wrapping itself in crimson from tip to handle. I glanced at my hand and there was a surprising amount of blood on it as well. One stab, but the blood had come like a burst of a dam, and coated it to my wrist.

Everything moved so slowly, as if time stretched out from seconds to a lifetime.  The knife, rising from its first stab.  The sound of a scream drawn out like a howling wind. It was amazing the small details that I could see despite how fast things were actually moving.  A drops of blood floated up between our faces, cast off from the knife, glistening in the dimly lit room.  A flash of light from the small spots on the knife that werent’ coated in blood.  The look on his face.

I’d had so many conflicts with Jack before.  So many times we had come to blows, but the worst we had ever done was bloody each others lips, or give a black eye.  To think that it had raised to murder so quickly and over such a commonplace reason was incomprehensible.  Money. a few hundred dollars was all it took.

I looked into his face.  It was twisted in a snarl of pain, anger, and disbelief.  He seemed as surprised as I was that this was happening. While I stared in to his eyes, blood splattered across his face, flung from the knife edge.  It dashed on his cheek and ear.  A drop even flew into his wide open mouth as he yelled.

The knife stopped. For a moment I felt like we could retreat from this madness, but the knife had merely reached the top of the arc and started to plunge back down.  Both of us fixed our eyes on the knife.  The next was the killing stroke. The first stab had been impulsive, almost furtive.  Now it was determination to kill that sped the blade.

Time snapped back to reality, and the blade swung down fast and true.  The howls turned in to the shriek of pain and yell of rage, the blood returned to normal speed, dropping to the floor, covering both of us in its spray.

The knife struck home. Both of us stiffened with the impact, and an eerie silence fell, except for the labored breathing.  Another stab wasn’t needed, this one had found its home in a fatal spot. We both looked down at the knife.

It was over.  I was instantly filled with regret. A life cut short, so many things that would remain undone. Over so little.  I began to fall, the knife plunged deeply in my chest, and the world turned black.

Suffer the Children



I have no joke for this. He’s standing with his dad.  Until he wasn’t.

I am an atheist.  Figured I’d get that out of the way quickly, because I’m going to be talking about God.  specifically, Jesus.  And Christianity.  And you know, not stealing children from parents and then putting them in cages.  Jeff Sessions, the Keebler Gestapo Elf, referenced the bible as  justification for what they are doing. Well, This has me beyond angry.  It’s a crime against humanity, and they are trying to sell it as a religious more. I’m going to give Jeff, and any of the other despicable people alright with what is happening to migrants a little lesson in their own religion. They clearly need it.


I found a verse about beating kids too! Boy, this bible sure is fun.

Colossians 3:12 Says (paraphrased) Therefore as God’s people, be Compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, and patient.  Does that sound like a Right wing lunatic applauding the tormenting of children and parents?  I don’t think so.  They whiff on all five. They are arrogant, lacking in an ounce of care for these people.  They’d better start scoring some points if they’re going to pass the holy test.

There is a story of Jesus in the bible, sitting on a hill and teaching.  They’re called the beatitudes.  I’m not going to put them all down word for word, but there was a list of people who were Blessed. (Bless-ed.  Sorry.  I need you to go back and reread it with the correct pronunciation.)

What were some of the things on the list? Well, Meek… Mourning… Persecuted.  You know who that sounds like? the migrant families.  Another few are on the list.  Peacemakers. Righteous. Merciful.  Those are descriptors for someone in a position of power over another. And the people applauding Trump and his cronies doing this aren’t any of those three things.


Kids taken from their parents and locked up?  What is wrong with you, me-dammit?

The bible also says things about how to handle strangers, the needy, the alien in your land.  Without the specific references:

You shall treat the stranger who stays with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself.

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers.

The alien has not lodged outside, For I have opened my doors to the traveler.

Love. Your. Brother. As. Yourself.  (I know without a doubt some would argue that the migrants are not their “brother” but in the bible context it meant other believers, which almost all of the migrants are, and it also says love your neighbor as yourself, so don’t fucking try it.)  I’m starting to think that these particular “Christians” have their own version of the bible.


Get those touchy-feely loving people parts out. It’s UNAMERICAN.

Lastly, and this is a repeating something said above, THEY ARE PULLING CHILDREN AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTS.  This is is cartoonishly evil.  It cannot be justified.  That Jesus fella apparently said “Suffer the little children to come unto me” and These assholes stopped reading after the first four words.  This isn’t a condemnation of Christians.  I know that a far greater majority of people of faith are horrified with these actions.  I’m pointing the finger squarely at those who wave their bibles like they are angels, and act like demons.

From my point of view, these fuckers are LUCKY that there is no such thing as hell.  Because based on their own playbook,  They would be in that particular end-zone in no time.  This Jesus guy would have a few words for them.


No. Really. What the fuck is wrong with you?


If you aren’t angry at this, there is something wrong with you. Atheist, Christian, Hare Krishna, hell, even Scientologists.  If you are ok with this, go to hell.

Smartassicus out.

Left-Handed losing

The left loses.  Consistently. Almost predictably. Now, we can talk about 1000 reasons as to why the vote is bent, the system is rigged, etcetera, ad nauseam.  But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about why WE lose.  what is it that we do that makes it so fucking easy for the right-wing to run roughshod over everything?  (Put down your stress ball and just give me a minute. I’m not going to be telling you anything you don’t know, if you’re willing to admit it.)

  1. We fight with ourselves.

Conservatives* Have a major advantage in unity.  Not unity with everyone else.  No, as far as they’re concerned the “leftist Marxist Stalinist snowflakes” can walk in to the ocean and die.  But voting wise, they vote with almost uniformity.  They are party adherent, and will vote in concert like a military drill.

*Conservatives in this context do not mean an average fiscal conservative.  It means the right-wing Gestapo that we have come to know and loathe.  It is not meant to group moderate or centrist people in with them.


Like North Korean soldiers except a little more totalitarian and rigid.


We however, tend to have more diversity of opinion and thought.  This is a good thing, socially. It’s through diverse experience and knowledge that we progress.  It’s a major stumbling block for the electoral process though. We can’t come together as effectively.


This is the pre-argument argument for the pre-argument about what to have for lunch.

This fracture leads us to work towards separate goals, and when the time comes to go with the majority choice, unity is grudging and often elusive. In American politics, you have the runners-up sometimes not voting, or even voting for the opposition.  In Canadian or other parliamentary systems, you inevitably see multiple left of center parties going up against a single right of center  choice.  In either case, this merely serves to help the people we DON’T want to be elected, get elected.’

2.) We are lazy about voting.

Conservatives are hyper-motivated to vote.  Which, if you think about it is really odd coming from a group of people who primarily believe that God has a plan and that his plan will happen and we can’t stop him. Of course not all of the right-wing are Evangelical Christians, but they do make up a larger portion of it.


God can do anything. Except vote, so we’ll handle that.


By contrast, we need to be wooed to vote. Cajoled.  Reminded. Pestered.  (don’t “not all liberals” me.) It’s as if civic duty is a horrifying torture, and we do our best to block it out of our minds.  Or, we just have no desire to consistently vote because it’s just so gosh darn inconvenient.  If stopping the antithesis of everything you believe in doesn’t motivate you to get up off your ass and cast a vote, I don’t know what will.


Midterms? But I just voted for… something… like only 2 years ago.

Turnout matters. When we don’t treat voting as a necessary and crucial aspect of living in our democracies, we hand elected positions to the other side almost by default.

3.) We demand a product that doesn’t exist

There is a naive need for our politicians to be pure as the fresh driven snow.  Blameless, spotless, no faults, no flaws.  In other words, a figment of our imaginations.  I don’t know where we got this ideological sieve from. Nobody really meets up to the expectations, unless we are wilfully blind to some of their flaws. They’re fucking politicians, not cherubs.  The right will vote for a bucket of three-week-unflushed toilet water if the right party sticker is smacked on the side.  They kind of just did.  We lose hard when we are unengaged due to perceived, or even real flaws that pale in comparison to what we end up with.


Item 324, the candidate must wear virginal white after bathing daily in rose-water.

4.) We aren’t willing to put solid work in before demanding our end goal

This is one where the conservatives have an advantage not because of anything THEY do.  In fact, they don’t do anything about future goals at all, other than tearing down the rights of others and trying to install a despotic theocracy. But liberals and progressives have a tendency to have no tolerance for the long game, and want everything slid on to their plate immediately.  In America, for example, there is demand for single payer healthcare, college tuitions regulated or abolished, and other very, very good goals.

But we don’t wait.  We don’t pragmatically choose the options that get us one step closer to the goal. We pout and carry on that we don’t get it now, like spoiled children.


Just finish the house now. Once we’re up there we won’t notice the missing foundation.

This is of course short-sighted, and detrimental to the very progress we seek to make. We need to slow down, and build it brick by brick, even if we don’t live to see it built.  If we truly want to make the WORLD a better place, we shouldn’t be primarily focused on what we as individual can get NOW.

All in all, the lack of pragmatism that the left side has is a hard obstacle, born out of ordinarily good intentions and the odd hissy fit.  I’m not suggesting we change who we are.  Keep being diverse.  Keep having lofty goals.  Keep demanding better out of our candidates.

But stop expecting it to descend from mount Olympus on the back of a swan to spread gold apples to one and all.  Do the work, get the pay off. This is of course, a vast oversimplification.  But I don’t think any of the points are inaccurate.  We need to do better, for those who come after us.

Smartassicus out.








I see no point in giving this piece a title as I’m not even trying to follow a script.  No forethought, no plan.  Just a brain dump.

Mental illness is the name and purging is the game.  I doubt this will be overly effective but it’s worth a go. Writing madly without even looking at the screen while I type, worrying about spelling errors later.

Am I happy? Yes. Am I sad? Yes.  What about the people in my life?  What’s the net equation between positive and negative emotions?  How difficult do I make life for those I care about, and which ones really do?

I know my family loves the me that they remember, but not the me that I am.  I am the great disappointment, abandoning the values of generations upon generations because I couldn’t maintain a happy lie.

The things in my head that I can tell only a very few, and truths to speak to individuals that can never be said, as though it would relieve me of a burden, it would only pass it on to others.  Sometimes it feels like a half-life, despite living more true to myself now than I ever had.

Have I taken parts of lives as a result?  Am I causing a draining of vitality of people I care about?  Again, what’s the sum of good or bad?  do I give as much as I take? Or am I a vampire dooming anyone close to me to mediocrity of relationships, and a loss of vitality?

I know this is my brain having its way with me.  But real thoughts warp together with the lies of The Joker in my head.  It becomes hard to differentiate sometimes.  Like today where I watch a movie that had a scene that matches my worst nightmare and worst moment that changes a day from normal in to spiraling vortex of haunting memories, and self-doubt.  My internal screams are both at real issues and imagined ones.

I know that I’m not the only one suffering, I can call to mind in seconds a dozen people with suffering and pains, mental illnesses, and life-threatening or disabling conditions.  A moment longer and I can think of people dealing with everything ranging from poverty to a life nowhere near what they expected they would have.

If I had answers to any of the problems that people faced I’d fix it.  I think most people would, yet we have to rage impotently at our inability, or shut down long enough not to go mad with the senselessness of it all.

Sometimes I wish I could return to the happy delusion of believing that everything had a purpose and that one day I’d end up in paradise, but knowledge has a way of destroying fantasies. And I’m the better for it, despite facing harsh realities instead of comforting fiction.

I don’t have a conclusion that fits this piece.  No epiphany, no neat wrap up.  Just an end of the writing for now.


Keep fighting.  Smartassicus out.


Ok. Let’s start with the fact that the title is a play on words and has nothing to do with a particular nationality or ethnic group.  I have just branded on puns, it seems, and I can’t stop.

No, what I’m talking about is Stans.  a portmanteau that means “stalker fan” but more colloquially, is used to identify someone who is such a big fan of a celebrity personality that the person can do no wrong in their eyes.

A very recent example (but who is one who has had Stans for a long time) is Kanye West.

Kanye West interrupts the acceptance speech from best female video winner Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards in New York

It’s wonderful that the person with Stans is interrupting the person with Stans.

The photo is of particular satisfaction to me because both individuals have a Stan-base.  “Swifties” who would swarm message boards and twitter feeds with outrage at the mere suggestion that someone may dislike her music, and Kanye Stans think he is Jesus, Krishna and any other number of gods rolled in to a hip-hop deity.  I’m not here to talk about their music, I really couldn’t care less what people listen to and enjoy.  Ok.  I might judge you a little if you listen to Whitesnake.


Not cool, man. Not cool.

No, what I’m talking about is people with platforms that speak ridiculous things, forward unbelievably bad ideas, and are not affected in any way.  Not that long ago, Kanye talked about slavery as a choice because it lasted 400 years.  I don’t think I have to say much about why this is a problematic statement at the very best.  But let me give you a little picture of how much it affected him. A brief look at his twitter stats:

Kanye pre-slavery comment: 28.3 Million followers.

Kanye post-slavery comment: 28.3 Million followers.

of course some people would have been disgusted and unfollowed, yet others followed.  My guess is white supremacists looking for a famous black friend.  But all in all, it had little to no impact.  I’m not suggesting he be banned from twitter and his career destroyed or abandoned by everyone. But that was a pretty tone-deaf and frankly way the fuck out there statement. Yet it cost him nothing.  Why? because he can.  Stans will follow people regardless of their actions and praise them up and down.  All you have to do is search the women defending Chris Brown after his domestic abuses as another example.

One that has been very recent is Jordan Peterson. A hyper-intellectualizer of frankly disgusting ideas.  No, not everything he has said has been bad, but he has made some clearly misogynistic and outrageous statements.  Most recently talking about socially “enforced” monogamy being the best way to keep women safe AND solve the problem of angry sexless men. This isn’t his first venture in to saying ridiculously sexist things.  And no, I’m not going to list them.  I have neither the inclination to wade through his bullshit again, nor the desire to engage people who are defending him.  But defending him they are.


You’d like to believe that look on his face is self-reflection. It’s not.


Make a single statement about his blatant sexism and appeal to the MRA crowd and you get “challenged” by one of his acolytes to “prove it.” They are, of course, bad faith requests (frequently called sealioning) where they have absolutely no intention of dialogue, but just a need to nay-say anyone who would dare question their entitlement Jesus.

Last night I tweeted a response to someone who compared the “misrepresentation” of Peterson as being second only to Obama.  I merely pointed out the ridiculousness of mentioning the two men in the same sentence and was treated with a litany of ridiculous bullshit.  When They told me to “cite all the proof” that Peterson is a misogynist, I declined to do their homework for them and was summarily considered a troll and white knight and all the little things that insecure little men need to say when people don’t indulge them.


Next he’ll polish the underside with his tongue.

There is no point in engaging with Stans.  They don’t operate on anything other than slavish, boot licking obsession for their heroes.  In a sane world, there would be a near universal rejection of horrid ideas, even if you liked the person who espoused them.  But when someone shows you who they really are, you should believe them.  Stans don’t.  Or just as likely, do, but are unwilling to let go of their golden calf.

Stan is an idiot.

Stan doesn’t think clearly.

don’t be like Stan.


Smartassicus out.

(I wouldn’t mind some semi-Stans though, myself.  People who like me not because of anything I say, just because I want obsessed followers.) Laters.



Blood money, bloody money, money for blood.

Again.  News rolls in again of another school shooting where the lives of American children are taken, and the same circular counterproductive arguments begin once again.  It made me create a new word (unless someone else has trademarked it already) in serendipshittery.  Serendipity is the chance occurrence of happy, beneficial results.  Serendipshittery is the opposite.  Every single person knows exactly what is happening.  Children are being killed by guns.  (If you respond with guns don’t kill people, people kill people, kindly fuck off until you’re gone, and then fuck off again.)

A girl at the Santa Fe shooting was interviewed and the reporter asked “Did it seem like it wasn’t real, that it could have never happened here?” her response was chilling.”  No.  It’s been happening everywhere so I figured it would eventually happen here.  I wasn’t surprised.”  It’s the children, the teens, that are aware of the realities while adults slap their hand to their head in disbelief as if this hasn’t been a regular occurrence for adolescent massacres.

Yes, it just happened.  Yes, people will yap about how it’s “too soon” to talk about it.  Pardon me for this.  Fuck you and your “too soons.”  This conversation has been dominated by the tone-deaf all along.

But here’s the thing.  Even the people who instantly rush to defend “second amendment rights” after every shooting, like ghouls rising from their rotten graves and splattering everything with foulness, they KNOW guns are a problem.  They just refuse to admit it.  So they throw out every silly non-sequitur they can think of, and do remarkably stupid, and frankly, shitty things.


I’ll help by… um… showing up to a schools shooting scene with a flag and a gun. Yeah

Take this massive chucklefuck.  He was interviewed walking around the school with an American flag, a MAGA hat, and a pistol on his hip.  Because nothing says I CARE ABOUT YOUR LIVES, KIDS! by showing up with more firearms.  He couldn’t even give a good reason to be there.  He was there to offer “support.”  And maybe he was.  But he was there to support guns, not lives.

The interviewer then cut to someone incensed at this guy for being there with a gun.  I thought for a moment that someone was going to take him to task in the name of commons sense.  Nope.  This new person said that him bringing a gun here was insensitive to be there with a gun, and it wasn’t what was needed.  What was needed was prayer.  You can imagine how my single facepalm turned from one hand to two.


We have so many, we’ll never run out.

Now, this isn’t an indictment on all people of faith.  I know many that know that just praying isn’t going to do a thing.  Yes, as an atheist I get really pissed off when people go down the route of “praying will stop bullets.”  But the vapid idiocy of proclaiming that prayer is the answer is as bad as those who actively rush to the defense of guns after every shooting.  They know it isn’t a solution.  It never has been. It doesn’t stop them from proclaiming it is the key though.

People pray all the time and there are still funerals that will be upcoming.  Hey, if it worked, I’d be all for it.  I’d even take a shift in front of a school saying any prayer they want if it made our kids bulletproof.  It. Doesn’t.

And that isn’t even the most sinister aspects. Knowing full well that the “It isn’t the guns fault” side is losing the battle of public opinion badly, trollish goons start spreading lies and disinformation immediately.  Some of it is utterly transparent falsehood, but that doesn’t matter.


Left: White terrorist. Right: White terrorist in a photoshopped hat.


The shooting wasn’t even a few hours passed before fake profiles started popping up on Facebook with poorly photoshopped images and left-wing organizations such as Antifa listed among interests.  Facebook took down the actual profile soon after the piece of shit was identified.  But the right-wing nutjob portion of the gun argument have to lie to distract. Trying to paint him as a democrat because… I don’t know. Fuck democrats, I guess.  It’s a distraction from the issue.  Get people to talk about the lawn, and nobody pays attention to the house that’s on fire.

The fakes are cartoonishly bad. The creation date is today. Anyone looking at it for 5 seconds should be able to identify it is falsehood.  But it’s now circulating as fact among Gun-toting MAGA hat stands.

To quote Terry Goodkind: People believe (obvious) lies for two reasons.  They are afraid that it’s true, or they are desperate to believe that it’s true.  This is clearly the latter.  It suits the narrative of the “hateful left” so they will latch on to it like leeches on to a swimmer in a swamp.

Everyone knows what the problem is.  Everyone knows that there are again parents who have had their teenage child ripped away from them in a heartbeat.  I can attest to the devastation of sudden unexpected loss of your child, even if my circumstances are different.  They are never going to be ok again, these moms and dads.   My heart rips in two for them.  None of this is by chance, though. It’s the opposite of chance.  It is an ever increasing probability as a belligerent minority elect a blood money pocketing government.  They know it’s true as well.  But they just love their toys more than human lives.

Of course, talking about gun regulations automatically incenses the rambo wannabe population to condemn speaking of it. So if anyone wants to play the insensitivity card, that I am capitalizing on a shooting to forward an agenda, I’d say two things.  One, yep.  I’m going to say something every goddamn time.  And so should everyone else.  This needs to be protested at the national level with ferocity.  and two, If you’re the person who says that talking about gun control right after a shooting is ghoulish;  You are the disgusting ghouls I was talking about in the first place.

Smartassicus out(raged.)








Bird in a ribcage

Be still.  Quiet.  Listen intently, and you may hear it.  The mournful cry of the bird living behind your ribs. It’s not sad to be there.  It’s where it lives.  But that is the sound it makes.  It is the mourning dove, and that is its home.


I am sorry to be such a downer, but you guys named ME.

I don’t know if you are familiar with the call of a mourning dove, but it’s aptly named.  It usually calls in the early hours of the day when the sun is barely beginning to rise, and it sounds every bit like a plaintive call of a heart missing something.

And that’s why we have a place for it.  I say chest because how we experience loss and disillusionment, with a tangible feeling directly behind the breastbone. I am not speaking of ordinary grief.  I am not referring to identified sadness. I am talking about the mourning for the unknown things that are just missing.  The reality is, no matter how good life is, we all tend to experience a dissatisfaction that can’t be placed, and cannot be filled.

People have spent their life trying to fill this place.  It has been used as manipulative preaching by being called a “god-shaped hole” during proselytizing. It has been used by con men who sell self-help or motivational garbage, or marketing to try to get you to buy things you don’t need in the never-ending quest to fill this spot.

If we are going to talk about holes, I’d prefer to call it a black hole instead.  Dark, dense, and entirely unable to be filled, in consumes anything we throw at it.


I’d stay out, or you’ll have to spend eternity with Matthew Mcconaughey.


This black hole isn’t a bad thing. it just IS.  the human reality is that life is never the utopia that we want it to be.  You can have a perfectly happy life, and you will still have this place in you. I don’t think anyone is truly exempt.  When I was in the depth of despair during my PTSD and grief over the loss of my daughter, it was all-consuming.  So I created a place in my mind. A perfect place, so I could try and forget for a little while.  Now that place is the dream that will never occur.  It’s my Mourning Dove.  Not specifically this fictional place, but the feeling that it evokes.

Let me paint a picture with my words.  I close my eyes and see a beautiful network of homes over still water. The water is clear and clean, and barely moves other than to reflect soft sunlight.


This place exists. My place does not.

I say a network of homes because they are the homes of all of the people I care about.  Those who are struggling with financial issues are no longer looking at a budget.  Illnesses are expunged.  The worries of life have slipped away.  The homes are all joined by wooden boardwalks, to a central platform with a covered roof but open sides.  A brazier is in the middle with reclining deck chairs surrounding it.  It is neither hot nor cold, but comfortable.  And everyone I love is there.  Everyone is wearing a diaphanous type of outfit which covers little, but is symbolic of lack of shame rather than lust.  Not that sex is non-existent, relationships are free and open and consensual as people choose. But nobody has any feeling of need to hide.  There is a sense of love and acceptance and peace.  Jealousy and strife don’t exist.

Perhaps this is a callback in some way to a vision of heaven that I may have had back when I was religious, it has many of the same elements, painlessness and love.  But it is a human place, an earthly place in my mind, not a reward for adherence to dogmas, but simply a place where those I hold in my heart to be truly free.  It’s a testament to what it is that my heart truly desires, to be with all the people I love without the weight of drudgery and responsibility,

What I used for comfort is also my grief; It is something that I will never have.  I will never have all my dearest with me, without the rigors of modern life. It seems childish at times, But I indulge the call of the mourning dove.   I dream it, and desire it.  I watch the sun set on the horizon in my dream knowing full well I’ll never see it.


dream with me.

 And it’s ok.  Because I don’t think this visceral sadness is a bad thing.  It’s where empathy and care is born, and even the ever-missing desires are a part of us. And I can visit my dream as often as I’d like.

I’ll see you there.

Smartassicus out.









A Swiss before dying

As of the time of this writing, he is dead. Raise a glass, cheer, be happy. No, I’m not referring to someone awful. I’m referring to a respected Scientist from Australia, Dr. David Goodall. And why are we to cheer? Because he wanted this.


No joke on this one. Farewell Doctor.

Dr. Goodall died listening to Beethoven, by his own choice, as he wished. Now to the part that isn’t cheerful. People actually fight against this. Physician assisted death is illegal almost everywhere. Dr. Goodall had to travel to Switzerland from Australia to exercise his will, because… well, actually no good reason at all. (I know the movie reference pun of a kiss before dying is extremely dated and old, but so was Dr. Goodall.)

Even where it is legal, there are some restrictions that don’t make sense. Canada has legalized it, but have made a number of restrictions that do not account for life long disability, loss of cognitive function, (pre-declared intent) or just Like the good Dr, getting old and not having any quality of life anymore.

Why? because… NO ACTUAL REASON THAT MAKES SENSE. And yes, I was shouting there. Because the three arguments against self-determined death are all horrible. The first is predictable. “Who are we to play God.”


Respect life! Oh, the person? Who gives a shit about that as long as they don’t die in a manner of their own choosing!

We can immediately dismiss that nonsense. I don’t care what your “God” thinks. so moving on. The next is the “People will coerce people to die for their own gain!” First, I want to know what kind of sick mind you have if this is the first thing that pops in to your head. And second, properly legislated and administered right-to-die medical care would catch that shit. People who argue this act like people are going to be pushing old people to the hospital in wheelchairs and the doctor will put them down like a horse with a broken leg, no questions asked.


Grandma stopped putting money in my card. No use for her, now.

The last of the primary arguments made is the slippery slope argument. Which is awesome because it’s one of the few times they actually NAME the logical fallacy they are using, and are unaware of the irony. They argue that if terminal people will want to die then disabled people may want to die then people with ingrown toenails may want to die. I am deliberately being absurd, because it’s absurd argument. One thing they stick to is depression, and people just dying because they feel sad. First, fuck you, that’s not what depression is. And two, if you think clearly enough, the primary reason people take their own life due to mental illness is because they NEVER SEEK TREATMENT. (Yes. I’m yelling again.) Imagine having legislation that caught all these people who fell so depressed they can’t go on and their illness is identified and treated? Suicides due to mental illness would go way DOWN.

Not one single reason has ever been forwarded that indicates people should not be able to choose a merciful, peaceful end to suffering, or debilitating incurable conditions that steals any quality of life. And like always, the argument is divided along the political lines.


Turn left.  Left. If you turn right you end up in a one way dead end.


This is a basic human right. Not a political football. Fuck anyone who says otherwise. Mercy and empathy resides with choice.


Pictured here: not merciful and painless.

Smartassicus out. (Just on this piece. I haven’t made THAT choice yet.)

True repentance

I was born again as a Christian at the age of 8.  I spent the majority of my life as a faithful Christian.  Well, whatever faithful meant at any given time I suppose.  It was mostly fear of burning in hell and arrogant belief that I was going to heaven and everyone ELSE was going to hell.  Or following the moral rules for a Christian life according to my pre-selected by parents denomination… except when I didn’t.

It wasn’t until my mid 30’s that I repented, though.

There is a lot of talk of repentance in religion.  To turn away from ones path, to give up your “sins” and follow the right way.  In the case of Evangelical Christianity, like I was raised in, it meant grovelling before an all loving God that would burn us for eternity if we didn’t repent. Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t masturbate… the usual litany of rules.


OK, I won’t masturbate and will preach at gay people please don’t stir fry me.


(I totally masturbated though.)


My brand of Christianity wasn’t very noble.  It was judgmental, and an enemy to the LGBTQIA communities.  We didn’t walk around With ironically rainbow-colored hate signs like Westboro Baptist, but we sure were an intolerant bunch.  Fortunately it wasn’t a church that did door knocking or street preaching, but if anyone wandered in to our fortress of godliness we knew exactly what to do.


We are beating the love of Jesus in to you. It’s for your own good.


I’m not going to go through the length of what occurred in my life and how I came to abandon the religion and indoctrination I grew up with.  This piece isn’t about that.  But yes, I became an atheist.

I still hadn’t repented yet.

Fast forward through the mostly tedious details of my life, and you find me with a new twitter account, and a chip on my shoulder.  The Angry Atheist(patent pending) phase of my life.  Thank No-god that it didn’t last THAT long.  I was as big a prick as a new atheist as I was as a bible thumping fundamentalist.  Maybe even worse.  I actually sought people out to berate. (Note, this is not meant to be an indictment of people of faith. Some of the kindest, most humanist people I know are people of faith, and I’ll have words with anyone who speaks otherwise.)

I still hadn’t repented yet.

And then I came in to contact with them. who is them? The people on twitter who aren’t locked in to specific dogmas, but get this, weren’t a giant douchecanoe about it. It opened up a world to me.  I started to repent.

What do you mean started to? You may ask. Started to is being used because despite the event-like context it’s always used in, it’s not.  It’s an ongoing and never-ending process.  I will not live to see the end of my repentance. And that’s ok.  It’s the consistent LISTENING to other people, caring about them, and not judging based on ingrained prejudices. It’s discarding bad beliefs one by one.  And no, you can’t say “ok, I’m not racist now. I’m not homophobic now. I’m not transphobic now.” It’s not as simple as the Jesus version of repentance where you can just say “oops” and then you’re in the clear.  You need to self examine continually with each thing you learn.  And then unlearn the things that simply aren’t true.



I threw out Transphobia. That means I’m woke, right? No Jerry. That’s not how it works.


One of the side effects of repenting is the tendency to berate yourself over what you have been up until that point.  It’s understandable, and even necessary to regret actions, words and attitudes that are bigoted and harmful.  If you’re like me and struggle with PTSD and Anxiety, it can be even more of a kick in the gut.  But repentance also means freedom and forgiveness.  Not the “Ok, I’ve been forgiven for everything, so I’m good” kind of freedom.

The freedom to release yourself from the hatred you feel for yourself for what you were.  This doesn’t mean you don’t need to seek forgiveness of people you may have harmed.  That’s a whole different thing, and if you’re genuine about changing who you are, it’s something you really need to do.

It also has another side effect.  You get to release yourself from the self-loathing of things about YOURSELF that you have considered wrong or “sinful” that really aren’t.  Regret that you didn’t follow what Mom and Dad wanted for your life?  Let it go.  Have a hangup about something you’ve hidden most of your life? Let it go.

I don’t say let it go like it’s an easy process. You will struggle with guilt over people you have hurt, and will continue to have episodes of self-loathing for things that you’ve never been wrong about. Let me give a personal example.  I have been polyamorous all my life. Well, as long as I was cognizant of loving other people.  But to me, it was sin.  So I begged forgiveness over and over for something that was never wrong.  I entered into only monogamous relationships, but felt guilty when I inevitably had strong feelings for other people.  No, I’m not talking about checking out a woman walking by. I mean feeling real, deep love for people who I had developed feelings for.

I am free of that burden now.  I now know that what I AM is not something to be ashamed of.  I have sought forgiveness of anyone that I knowingly wronged, and also know that I cannot do so for the people who I don’t know I wronged.

I am repenting. And I intend to never stop.


Repenting is done on your feet. Not on your knees.


Smartassicus out.








A terrible incelt

Ok. If you managed to make it past that incredibly horrible pun of a title, congratulations. I almost didn’t while WRITING this. Onwards, reader! (singular because I think I have like one regular reader.)

I am going to jump right in to the topic, and talk about the incel thing. Now the first thing that’s annoying about incel is that it’s leaving a lot of red squiggly lines on my piece and it’s kind of setting me off. But jokes aside, the whole “incel rebellion” thing is a sick, twisted and “how can this possibly be real” thing that has entered the spotlight since the Van attack in Toronto. After the bigots had their hategasms claiming it was Islamic terrorism, because, you know, not a white person, it turns out that the likely motive was killing women because they won’t have sex with any man who demands it.

Here’s the thing. The incel shit isn’t new. It’s been around for some time. It spiked in behavior at the same time as #metoo became a sweeping phenomenon, because how else do whining man babies react other than to double down on their bullshit? But it has been a “subculture” for years. And women have told us. They pointed it out. And per usual, society made a collective shrug motion.


You know. Kinda like every time we tell you something.

But now that it’s a known entity, it should be universally condemned, right? I mean, nobody… would…

Yeah, you know that there will be people who take the “intellectual” side of these poor downtrodden men that haven’t been able to get much luck in the lovin’ department. Robin Hanson, an economist, made an argument that if we are worried about fairness of wages and opportunities, we should be concerned about sex distribution as well. I’m not going to post a picture to the guy here. (He looks exactly like you’d assume. Aging, white, and entitled.) But that doesn’t mean anyone else would…

Sorry gotta disappoint you again. Ross Douthhat, opinion columnist for the New York Times (the same New York Times that brought us “let’s humanize nazis” and “no really, we should care about the feelings of white supremacists”) Wrote a frankly rambling, disgusting piece called “The Redistribution of Sex.” Go and read it if you’re inclined. It actually takes incel morons seriously, and bemoans the “negatives” of sexual liberation of women. Really though, the end of it is all you need to know. Direct quote:

“Whether sex workers and sex robots can actually deliver real fulfillment is another matter. But that they will eventually be asked to do it, in service to a redistributive goal that FOR NOW seems creepy or misogynist or radical, feels pretty much inevitable.”

First off, Ross, FUCKING GROSS. Second, there will never be a time that a redistribution of sex demand isn’t creepy and misogynist. It’s enough to make you vomit that people are actually writing think pieces on making sure men get to have sex.

It is literally insanity that anyone is doing anything but recoiling from these disgusting men in horror. And it’s not because of their looks.


Although, the neck beard isn’t helping, Steve.

It’s because they are without a doubt some of the most repugnant shit smeared cockroaches to ever draw breath. I learned about the incel thing a little further back, and ventured in to the Reddit and Chan sites to have a look. Men, complaining about how they are nice guys yet women don’t have sex with them, so rape should be legal and sex slaves should be a thing and women should be in cages and JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. Isn’t that enough?

Sure, some of them may not be the picture of classic good looks. But a LOT of people who got hit with the ugly stick have plenty of sex. The issue is they are so ugly on the inside, that it just oozes out of them like the rot-juice of spoiled meat in an Arizonan summer. They are so vile their blow up doll says no.


No Steve. I’m not interested.

The Article that Ross Douche-hat wrote points out sex workers or sex robots as a potential for “helping” these poor souls who feel that the universe is withholding them from the 15 seconds of glory they can provide a woman. But how does THAT solve the problem? first, the only people who should ever get to see a sex worker is someone who has a respect for sex workers, and it sure as hell isn’t going to come from these disgusting motherfuckers. I mean, they could repel a fleshlight.


It’s a no from me as well, Steve.

This society owes nobody sex. No people are owed sex. Sex is talked about as a need, and I agree that it’s a “need” in the sense that it’s a biological imperative but guess what happens to you if you NEVER have sex? Absolutely nothing. You don’t die, you don’t get sick, you just have to invest in more Jergens. That’s it. It is inescapable that if you commodify sex as a “right that it speaks to the commodification of women. We did that for most of human history, and the battle is STILL going on to end it. It’s absolutely insane to give these bastards anything but complete derision. People who believe women should be property for their own desires deserve exactly zero sympathy, and frankly, their posts and tweets and articles should be treated as threats.

This isn’t something that needs discussion. It needs stomping in to the ground. It should be condemned in the same manner that we condemn unarmed black men being shot, Racists from marching with tiki torches, and confederate flags flying on public grounds. (Yes. I KNOW.)

If you see anyone espousing these views, swat it like a mosquito. Mercilessly. And for Fuck sakes, maybe everyone should ignore the New York Times.

and to end I just want to post the one picture of sex robots that I saved for this article and didn’t get a chance to use so you can get a small picture of what my google ads are going to look like for the next while.


1027:No, Steve. 1028:No, Steve. 1029 No, Steve.

With my humblest apologies to most Steves out there.

Smartassicus out.